seems like the more months that pass the more i process. — do you ever feel like that?!
and i can’t seem to shake these “things”, as the seasons pass they only continue to build. some days they seem a bit lessened, but most days they seem full-on intense. but the seasons continue to bring more.
things like…
why didn’t we find a church sooner? {this has been on my heart for months.}
why can’t i connect with more friends in minneapolis? {i feel inadequate.}
why, when we moved from michigan to minnesota, did i have to leave my best friends? that was nearly 2.5 years ago and i still like those deep friendships are missing in my life. {i feel lost without my girls.}
why do i put so much pressure on myself? {i seem to always let myself down.}
last wednesday i packed my bags {three, to be exact}, and flew to nashville for blissdom. i’d been two other times and was pretty darn excited to attend this year. my handmade story, how i was able to leave my day job to pursue Gussy Sews full time heavily revolves around attending blissdom for the first time in 2010. it’s easy to say blissdom has a special place in my ruffly heart ♥. even though i’m in a rough season i still find things to be thankful for.
but this year, having attended a nearly a dozen {what?!} blog conferences, i knew it would be easy to come home and feel let down once real life settled back in. i cherish the time spent with other women and seem to hate coming back home only to feel like i have no one to do that with here. {i feel like i don’t know how to fit in.} i spent an extra 2 days in nashville with angie and can’t seem to shake some of the things we talked about. i suppose that’s a good thing ;)
there are so many women i share my journey with, but many of them live in other cites, ones that don’t start with minne- and end in -appolis.
i got home just a few days ago and i feel like i’m finally able to put my nail-polished finger on what i’ve been processing: sometimes seasons are for processing a lot ~ and each morning is a new opportunity at trying to be brave… even when i feel anything but.
i feel like we’re in a really weird place right now and it’s hard to know where + how to fit in.
my mind drifts back to all the things that should be/could be/would be if things were just… different. and so this means we’ve been processing some emotional, personal things. i don’t feel like myself. i miss our family. i’m trying to be more open to what God wants me to process. and despite being Gussy, i feel lonely… often. it’s terrible and i fear i’m going to offend, when really the main reason i’m sharing is to stop feeling this way.
do you ever feel like this? if you do, leave a comment below. i’d love to pray for you :) and if you feel comfortable, consider sharing a bit of your heart with your comment. i know i’m not the only one that feels like i can’t shake all that i’m processing ~ i hope we can come together as a community so we can all feel a little less alone.
xoxo.
Hi Maggie! I totally hear what your heart is saying…Almost a year ago my fiance and I moved in together and before that I lived in the basement of my Mom and her boyfriends house. I miss her like mad and she is only 20 minutes away ;) Of course, I love living with my fiance and our puppy…learning to live with one another, finding our groove, as our lives are on a roller coaster of change. Which is why we decided to move in with one another before our marriage…from internships, grad school, graduations, car’s breaking down–moving in allowed us to become a one car household…totally awesome–it all has really been the best for us. But, sometimes it is hard and I feel lonely even though I know I’m actually really lucky. I graduated college in December and now I’m substituting while I look for full time teaching jobs. It is amazing what I have accomplished but it is also scary entering this new part of life….I read your blog a lot and my fiance knows Gussy and he’s even said, “They live in Minneapolis, we should hang out! They look like a fun couple!” And I agree…we live across the river in Highland Park! If you ever want to connect we’d love to hang out ;) send me an email! xoxo
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You know, I’m probably super much older than you, I don’t have my own business, and I may not belong to the same religion or type of church you do, but I do know most if not all of us are lonely much of the time, and I do know quite a bit about MInneapolis and Minnesota! My husband and then tiny baby moved here (and just from Wisconsin, for pete’s sake!) more than 30 years ago, and we have never ever had such a time making friends or even acquaintances who’d exchange more than a few perfunctory words. We did make some lifetime, though also not close in neighborhood friends. from our church, and I joined one large women’s organization and became active in my kids’ schools when t hey reached that age. I did make some friends, but honestly, people here are used to dealing with their own families and friends they grew up with who all stayed in the area. We lived in the Chicago area as well, and I can truly say that this has been the most frustrating place to make friends. We’be tended to become friendly only with people who moved here from somewhere else, because the lifetime locals tend to exclude “new:”: people, even in our longtime neighborhood here. Ironically, my closest neighbor friend turns out to be someone I met after moving here, who happened to be from my Wisconsin hometown! It’s not you, I’m sure of that. Other friends who’ve moved here had the very same experience. Please hang in there, get out and meet people at places where you’re happy, and my personal bias: give your attention to the other transplants because the natives may be polite, may come over for dinner, and may thank you and even give you flowers, but they are not very likely to reciprocate, let alone become real friends. Meanwhile, if you’re ever near Minnetonka and want to have coffee (with someone probably your mother’s age), let me know! Hang in there-you’ll be fine. It took me years to come to realize it wasn’t my husband and me, and I think the sooner you accept Minnesotans as a good but pretty darned standoffish group, the less unhappy you’ll be. Thinking good wishes for you. :)
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Yes totally here where you’re coming from here Gussy. We could be surrounded by people that while we may know we still feel on the outer and alone because that special connection hasn’t been made. From what I read here on your blog you seem such an open, honest, good and friendly person so it’s hard to imagine someone like you feeling like you do. I find it so hard to find someone that has the same interests and outlook on life as I do in ‘real life’ but seem to meet lots online that I connect with so easily. I just don’t know why that is? I feel like I was born in the wrong era sometimes…
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I’m just getting caught up on my blogroll and am finally reading this. You’re totally not alone. I’ve been having a bit of a rough season myself. I’m a new mom (my son just turned one) and we’re trying to make it work with having me stay home with him. Which I adore but it has been rough. I’ve been trying to get my creative business started since July and, although I know that wasn’t that long ago, I’m making virtually no headway. I lost my part time job right before Christmas and my husband and I are starting to struggle financially. I’m so torn. I want to pursue my dream and be able to stay home with my son but the bills keep piling up and new ones keep getting added to the pile. My husband is taking on a lot of freelance work and we’re spending less time together. And every time I feel like we’re making headway, something else comes along to set us back. I’m so afraid that I’m going to fail at my creative endeavor, that I’m going to be forced to be away from my son during these extremely impressionable years. I yearn for a group of creative women that I can talk to, people that I can relate to and can relate to me but I’m having a hard time finding them. I feel alone, too, at times. I know it’s not right but I’m trying to find fulfillment in others. I know it’s something I need to stop focusing on. I’m trying to remember that it’s just what you say: a season. And just like all seasons, this one will pass and bring another. And it may be good or it may be bad but I’m just hoping that it’ll make me stronger and I’ll grow and learn from it. Hugs to you dear! And prayers, too. :)
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Hi, Gussy! I’ve been following your blog for a while but can’t remember how I discovered you…maybe a Google Reader recommendation.
I really related to your post – especially your thoughts on processing and where do I fit in. I live in the Minneapolis area too (west suburbs) and it’s not where I’m from/where I grew up. I do have family in the area so that helps, but they have families of their own. I’m mainly missing a close friend who I can call up whenever and jump into whatever they’re doing or make a plan to do something fun/spontaneous. I had those kinds of friends before I moved here but I haven’t found their replacements here. My processing is mostly about being single and learning to be content.
Thanks for having the courage to put your words and feelings out there for others to read and be encouraged. I enjoy your inspirational blog and creative sewing!
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i’m right there with you. I feel like it’s so hard to connect…especially since having a baby. I moved from Texas where I had a ton of really good friends to where I am now…and it’s just me, my hubby and my little girl. We have a few people but I miss those deep connections. I’ll pray for you too! How lucky that you have attended so many blog conferences this year. I’d like to go to one sometime for sure.
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i know exactly how you feel. moving to michigan to plant a church left me feeling empty and alone. it’s been 7 years…i still feel this way.
i put endless pressure on myself to be perfect mom, perfect artist. i don’t fit in the homeschool community and i feel as if i don’t fit in the handmade community either. maybe i’m just un-embraceable.
but i do know God is good. He has a plan. recently i had my favorite text tattooed to my arm…i say it over and over in my mind…but the visual is powerful. “show me your ways. teach me your paths.”
he WILL show you. and i know he will show me too. someday.
xo
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Gussy Sews Reply:
March 3rd, 2012 at 5:13 pm
your comment made me think… maybe i put too much pressure on myself to find the perfect friend that i end up finding no one at all.
hmm… hmmmmm… i’m not sure that’s it entirely, but i do think that is a large part of it.
i’m glad you commented… means more than you know :) xo
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Oh golly, did this hit home. As a single gal, I had friendships that I thought were a sisterhood of a lifetime. My bestie, was married w/ baby. We would have sleep overs, where she and I would have heart to hearts late into the mornings and I would sleep on the couch, her hubby would get up with the baby, go to the store and bring us Starbucks and sweet rolls…sigh. She was discontent in her marriage, doubting whether she married the right…I doubted I would ever find someone that would let a crazy friend stay all night and then get up with the baby and get coffee…then it happened. She and I were out together when HE came into my life. I refused to give out my number, instead telling him ” if you want to know me, I’ll be at ______ later. Show up and find me, then we’ll talk.”
I was tired of guys and their silly games…I want a man who would want to chase me, who thought I worth it. Not me chasing some guy only to not be good enough. ( in his eyes) Well you can bet I didn’t give him much thought, I was planning on having fun with my girlfriend, showing her support. You can bet I was surprised to find HE showed up, dragged his brother along too to meet up with “that girl”. We spent the next 2 hours talking, having been closing time we went our separate ways, only to call because we couldn’t sleep and talked into the morning. I loved my bestie so much I talked my boss into giving her a job, she was feeling trapped as a sahm. It was at the same time I was getting to know HIm. She didn’t like it, things were working out for me, I was finding my happy…I hit a hard wall. Depression. People I thought cared showed me they really didn’t care about ME only what I did for them. In my depression I found Jesus, saw the love of a man brought into my life by God. I have always struggled with girl friends, it always felt like I gave and they took and when their needs were full I was someone they could easily cast off. Talk about loneliness. I had no one to share my love story with, those giddy moments of engagement, wedding talk…I begged her to be in my wedding, the day I called to tell her I was pregnant was the last day we spoke, she couldn’t handle my happiness. I knew I’d be a sahm, I was a nanny for 15 years…that was the loneliest time when my kids were babies. LONELIEST. I joined a bible study and met some amazing women. Molly K. Being one of them. For 9 months we were the tightest group. Love, sharing, support, encouragement…then group was over and life went on…we tried to stay together but for some schedules changed…we still get together and it’s like no time has pasted but I miss that group bonding every week. Now that my kids are in school full time, I have time but no group. I’ve tried but it’s not the same. I feel like people aren’t like me. I feel judged, it makes me not want to meet people or be myself. Thats why I blog, to be me. I live north of Minneapolis, we could do coffee. Or maybe you should have a meet and greet, sounds like a lot of gals live near the cities. Who knows what friendships might be struck up. Otherwise let’s get together when Molly K comes to town, then maybe it won’t feel so awkward haing us both know someone in common, to be ourselves more, you know? Alright I’ve rattled on too long now. Maggie, you have a good heart, we all feel lonely…we have to remember to stretch ourselves. That blog you mentioned on twitter, 4 steps to being a better friend. Mad respect for you girl, hope to see you again and not be “star-struck” HA!
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Gussy Sews Reply:
March 3rd, 2012 at 10:42 pm
sara — first, i am amazed at how brave you are!!!!! thank you so much for sharing this with me. i’m sure it was hard but i’m definitely proud of you and glad you did. second, the hurt you must have from your friend’s behavior must be intense, and i’m so sorry. sadly there will be a day when she has to take ownership of what she’s done to you, and that will be a mighty tough day for her as well. [inhale. exhale.]
i also am in full support of molly coming to town :) but in the meantime, we should get together!!! i am working on something exciting and i hope you’ll come back here SOON for the details ♥ i’m excited!!!!! xoxo
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isassSara Reply:
March 4th, 2012 at 10:17 am
Excited too!
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It took me years and years (and years) to make deep friendships in Los Angeles. I think the turning point was when I decided to start a book club with the few friends I had, who didn’t really know one another. This may not be the right avenue for you, of course, but the point was that I had to start my own community instead of joining one. It wasn’t perfect, and I didn’t even necessarily want to do it, but a regular meeting time with girls I liked seemed to make all the difference.
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Gussy Sews Reply:
March 3rd, 2012 at 10:08 pm
that’s it, i’m starting a club!!! :)
(i’m serious.)
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I’ve been in Arizona now for a little over nine years now the first five I spent entirely friendless. I mean, I KNEW people but I didn’t feel a terribly close bond with them. Then I met a couple girls through work and now they are closer to me then my family. I am also friends with many of their friends. Then in 2011 I had my first baby and now I have more friends than I know what to do with!!! SO many AMAZING people that I can’t imagine life without. It’s not easy to be without those close bonds, but before you know it you will have the incredible relationships you seek. The trick is to put yourself in enough situations to meet people. It’s tricky if you’re at home often, church is a great place to start. You could even try taking classes somewhere on a subject you like (sewing perhaps). I hope this helps ! I know how difficult it can be. :)
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Hi! I wanted to let you know I am going through the same thing! Only I left Mpls. to move to IA for my husband. While I do get to go back about every other weekend, I’m really hurt/sad that it’s so hard to make good friends in this new state. I don’t know where you live/church background, but Substance church is a very upbeat Bible based friendly church. Also Hillside in Bloomington is a friendly Bible solid church. …. I’ll be praying for you!
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Gussy Sews Reply:
March 4th, 2012 at 12:03 pm
hi bekcy! i’ve always felt like moving as an adult is like being homeschooled through 11th grade and then going to a public school for 12th. it’s not that people are trying to be mean by not including others, it’s that they don’t think about it. they don’t get it. i mean, i KNOW it’s not me that they don’t want to be friends with :) i’m almost positive it’s NOT you, either ;) it’s just different for them to reach out, and i totally get that.
zack and i are live in minneapolis proper. we’ve found some churches that we like for the most part but nothing that’s totally captivated us. a non-denom church would be fantastic, with a variety of ages attending each week/super family orientated :) do you know of any on minneapolis?? xoxo
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Lana Reply:
March 5th, 2012 at 4:43 pm
Have you tried Woodland Hills Church on the border of St. Paul, Maplewood?? Here’s the website http://whchurch.org/ It’s a great church. You can download sermons on the website if you want to check it out before you try it. My hubby and I would be happy to meet you there if you want to try it. I live in the southern burbs of St. Paul and would LOVE to hang with you sometime. I hang out with a group of quilters/sewers I think you’d have a lot of fun with us!! Let me know if you want to get tog or try our church. Lroghair (at) aol (dot) com
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Laura Larson Reply:
March 20th, 2012 at 10:24 pm
Hey! just reading this now—-for some reason google reader unfollowed you—booo! So I am catching up :)
You guys should try Hope Community Church. It is in the cities right by the dome. My husband and I (both in our twenties) have been attending there a few years and love it! I cannot even express how awesome it has been—no pressure, just love and welcoming. It has a super young crowd, with some oldies in there too :) and is very family oriented. Technically, we are part of the BGC, but we prefer non-denom.
The worship is awesome, and going to church is such a refreshing and renewing part of my week. I’m sure you guys would love it too!
Here is the website: http://hopecc.com/
Hope you check it out! :) Let me know if you do….I’ll come and say hi :)
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Gussy Sews Reply:
March 20th, 2012 at 10:28 pm
hey! we actually went there a few times about 2 years ago but we weren’t crazy about the pastor that was there ~ things he said kinda threw us off. we loved the music, that part of the service was amazing! and we wished there were a few more “established” families there, too! we’re still searching, but thank you for the comment!!! XO
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Laura Larson Reply:
March 20th, 2012 at 10:36 pm
Woah, that was fast! :) Well, I’ll be praying you guys find a church….church shopping is tough—especially when you’ve grown up in the church and know only one for awhile. To find a whole new place for YOUR family to call church home is not so easy. Wish you guys the best!
Oh, and if you need/want a new MN pal to walk dogs with around the lake, don’t hesitate to ask! Though i’m sure you get offered that all the time. Ha! look at me, sounds like I am trying to pick you up or something. Haha, promise—I’m not creeper! I’d love to get to know more crafty and faith filled women—and my dog would love a friend too :) I would imagine we live really close to each other from reading your blog. I am about less than a mile from Calhoun! Maybe I’ll see you around :)
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I actually recently did something similar, only with small business/etsy shop owners in the area. I wasn’t finding the community that I fit into, so I started my own. I had found a few people locally whom I seemed to mesh well with. Now they’re inviting others, and although it’s young, I think it’s going to become something awesome.
Good luck to you! And thank you again for being brave enough to share this.
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Jane @ The Borrowed Abode Reply:
March 4th, 2012 at 11:53 am
Oops, that was a reply to the idea of starting a club or group. :)
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I know you’ve struck a chord in the hearts of so many women. My hubby & I have lived in AZ for 15 years. Over time, and a few moves, we have made some very good & close friends. But because of moves, our friendships have faded out. Hmmmm…..more like we don’t keep in touch really except through blogs & occasional emails, but we will always remain friends no matter how far apart we are. But in all the years that we’ve lived here, I have never once had a best friend – someone I could talk to about anything, cry with, laugh with, go shopping with. It has not been easy. Women need other women. We just do. And if we go too long without a close female friend, then we feel lost. My hubby got a job in Virginia & we are moving this week. I have a good feeling about this move. I am determined to make and keep a best friend. I need one so badly it hurts sometimes. I hope & pray that things will work out for you too Gussy. You are a sweet girl & deserve a bestie.
–Anna
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i totally understand what you are saying!! I feel like I’ve been in a lonely processing season for over 2 years…it was then that I moved to south africa with my hubby and left a job i loved and all my best friends and family :( Have victorious times, but still feel like I’m not even back to where I was yet?? I know God is using this season, but it is so difficult to convince myself of that some days- i feel lazy, unmotivated, and confused alot of the time…trying to see some breakthrough this year- please Jesus help me to be brave and step out where I need to!!
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Sister, if only you and i lived closer. There are so many similarities between us, it’s kinda funny. Even though I believe I am quite a bit older than youl;) But I am going through the same thing right now as well. We moved to Midwest 2 yrs ago this fall. Everyone here is so nice and welcoming. But no deep friendships have been formed. And I am totally not a “surface” girl. Just don’t know how to be. I miss the South. I miss my friends. I miss my family. But sometimes God wants us to REALLY KNOW that his grace alone is sufficient for us.
The church we are a part of is great! But it’s geared more towards new believers. I have been so blessed for so long to have had so many great teachers of the WORD. I feel like now, God is showing me how to grow my faith, with the Holy Spirit alone rather than someone else. I am having to learn how to break it apart and dive deeper. Another blessing, in all the midst of this change, has been my husband and I have grown more together as a unit and as best friends!
Sure wish you lived closer so we could chat about this over a cup of coffee. I miss having girl time!!!!
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Just now reading this… and just want you to know how proud I am of you for writing it. I love you. I sit here with you, in this strange place of processing and seeking.
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Gussy Sews Reply:
March 5th, 2012 at 5:08 pm
remember how we cried together at relevant on this same topic? and remember how that was in OCTOBER? ::sigh:: it feels so good to let it out. i love you, dearly. your words here mean so much <3
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I can relate to that lonely feeling, but I’ve lived in the same town my whole life. It’s funny how relationships change as we do. My best friends from high school all went to college far away, while I stayed. That left me feeling very inadequate. I couldn’t afford anything but to stay home–I was paying for it all myself and working two jobs while my friends were traveling abroad and spending their summers at the pool or on great adventures. It’s hard to combat feelings of jealousy even to this day.
Then while in college, I started hanging out with people who liked to party. I tried that and quickly realized it wasn’t for me. What do you do when you only have bar-friends but no real-life friends (if that makes sense)? When I stopped going out, I stopped hearing from them. Directly after that point was probably my loneliest time, but I knew I was better off.
I grew up going to church, but drifted away from it after high school. I started going to church with my husband before we got married and he has definitely been an amazing spiritual leader for me. It’s a small church, though, and I haven’t made many tight bonds with anyone…. YET.
I also don’t have good relationships with my family, so I can’t call my mom up whenever I need someone to talk to. But I honestly believe that not only did God give me an amazing husband, he gave me the family I’ve always yearned for through my in-laws. He met my deepest need by giving me my mother and father-in-law. I haven’t spoken to my mother in almost a year, but I talk to my MIL several times a week and just the other day she sent me a text telling me how much she loved me. I’m getting a knot in my throat just typing this.
That’s my story in a nutshell. And I’m so glad that you’re sharing yours. You are a brave woman. :) God does meet our needs, and He will meet yours.
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Gussy Sews Reply:
March 7th, 2012 at 7:55 pm
wowzers… what a story, and how amazing that you’ve seen it come full circle :) that’s the best part, right? PS you are darling and i want your bow dress + pretty (shorter than mine because i decided to grow mine out, UGH) hair. xoxo
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I’m catching up on my blog reading and just read this entry today.
Gussy, I know 100% that I do put too much pressure on myself to find the ‘perfect’ friend. I have told my husband so many times that I have unrealistic expectations. My prayer has recently become for the Lord to soften my heart toward myself and others so that I can not feel this way … but to also fill my life with the people He wants me to be friends with. Because while I do put a lot of pressure on myself, at the same there are a few people in my life I call friend that are more toxic than friend-like. I want them gone so He can make room for what truly belongs there.
I’ll be praying for you – thank you for being real :)
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Gussy Sews Reply:
March 7th, 2012 at 8:37 pm
oh i just love that prayer for a softened heart. and i love that you pray that… that’s so wise. sometimes it’s easy to get all grump-like, but it doesn’t help to be like that. thanks for the little reminder + being a part of this community! xx
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I totally relate to this post. I can’t count how many times I’ve looked at my husband lately and said “what is God up to? what’s happening? I just feel weird.” We feel like God has us on the brink of some big decisions and we’re just waiting to see what happens next. I feel discombobulated yet trying so hard to trust in Him and wait on His time. SO tough sometimes!!!
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